Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Award acceptance speech

I would like to thank the Orgrimmar Retailing Commission (ORC) for awarding me this year's Community Retailer/Advertiser Prize, and thank you for recognizing my premier place in the fashion world.

The addition of this CRAPPY to my many other awards, acknowledgments, prizes, first place ribbons, certificates, patents, and other trophies is truly an honor for you. Your good taste and standing has been noticed among the ultra elite tier of the fashion industry, and I, for one, am more than indifferent for you.

For several days now, Daxe Fifth Ave has striven to not only show Anvilmar that superior quality and affordability can go hand in hand, but also that Daxe, is without question, a force to be reckoned with in the fashion world. Oh, yes, the reckoning IS at hand.

I want to take this opportunity to announce the launch of the NEXT BIG THING. Once again, we will blaze the trail and set the tone for the upcoming Wednesday season with a brand new Signature handbag: The Red Woolen Bag.

Our production of these bags is in full swing, and we've allow some of our special clients access to them. Already I've received reports of widespread envy among the Horde commoners and some riots in Razor Hill due to the delayed release date. I want to assure both the Horde rabble as well as my premier clients that I will only be making these bags available to members of the elite Pox Arcanum so as to guarantee their exclusivity.

As with all better known and loved products, my handbag design will be copied and manufactured. While I cannot blame the lesser designers for failing to be original and for wanting to imitate the pinnacle of the fashion industry, I will just address this issue by reminding people to look for the "Made by Daxe" label. With that label, you get my personal guarantee of a quality handbag that can withstand the punishing storage demands of our select clientele, be it a stack of linen cloth or some malcontent's head.

In conclusion, this award validates the ORC! Your good fashion sense and recognition of superior quality have caused this Blood Elf to move slightly from my indifferent attitude to one of amusement. Bravo!


Waradwen said...

Three cheers for Daxe! Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray!

Lazz said...

I've got mine!

Dammerung said...


Rabbit Stew said...

This just in from Rueters:

Gnome workers in Daxe's factories are complaining of inhumane working conditions. Quote from anonymous source: "he works us like char women. Do you see these hands? These are tiny hands. I go home at night and they are cramping. And frankly, where are OUR bags? I mean shouldn't there be employee compensations and such. He....he told us that we were too short to make the bags looks good..../humpf!" Daxe could not be reached for comment.

Daxenos said...

I will make my comments here and here only.

First of all, the dissatisfied workers have been encouraged to pursue other employment in the worm and fish food industries; so rest assured, dear clients, that there will be no quality issues in our manufacturing of this exclusive product.

Secondly, the remaining workers have been advised by the legal staff of Daxe Fifth Ave that their undocumented worker status could come into play if the Horde Immigration Dept. ever decides to investigate our facilities. Remember, Gnomes are taking jobs that Orcs are willing to do.

Thirdly, and lastly, Daxe Fifth Ave bags are for our elite clientele. Period. We will not cheapen their value by selling, much less GIVING, them to the common folk. Unfortunately, our workers fall into a group of society that is less than optimal and therefore, wholly unacceptable to be accessorized by our products.

Owner and Propriater, Daxe Fifth Ave.

Rabbit Stew said...

Hark! What's that? The collective disappointed sigh of GRGW Local 34. The Gnome Rogues and Garment Workers Union is very sad. /the sound of high-pitched weeping.

Anonymous said...

OMG, I may never post again -- I mean, really, what's the point? Daxe is funny enough for both of us. However, I think the run on Daxe's bags has gotten out of control. There are no more left! And I hadn't even had a chance to grab one. /cry

Fuller said...

OMG, Daxe! Congratulations on your award!